Well it is one year since Barney died and it is hard not to look back at everything Barney represented, he was the union between me and Steph and with him really died our final link which is sad, if I could go back and change so many things from then i would do, the whole relationship break up was wrong -in how it happened at least (only when she left with a final hug did everything clear).  Would I go back and change what happened, how some events now haunt me, yes.  Would I change my life since, no.  So many good things have happened since and it is hard to imagine things the other way anymore.  Did I think Steph was the one, yes. Could things have been different, maybe if I had talked more but so many things had gone wrong and it became too difficult to talk.  Anyway, today is a day of reflection.  I am sad neither of them are in my life but I need to move on...